Universe / Divine often seems to push me to my knees to show that I am not in charge.
I want to share an incident that happened yesterday. It was a lazy Sat, my husband took our son for swim lessons while I finished preparing lunch. We ate lunch and put the kiddo down for a nap. I hadn’t been to the gym since my last post about exercise and felt the need to get back into a routine once more. So, after quickly tiding up the place (it always seems like a storm went through my house) I decided to go to the gym. It had already started to snow by then and I wanted to get back as quickly as possibly.
So, off I went to the gym for an hour. As luck would have it, I found one parking spot – the parking lot was heavily crowded for some reason, probably people trying to stock up before the heavy snow. I had a good workout and as I was walking towards my car, a man stopped me saying loudly “Did you do this?” I had no clue what he was talking about and said so to him. He then points to his back bumper and shows a scratch on it. Then, he points to a scratch on my front bumper and shows me a scratch on my car. He then proceeds to accuse me that I hit his car.
And even before I could say anything, a cop car shows up and blocks my car. Everything felt surreal. I know, it is not a big deal, accidents happen right. But something got triggered inside and I felt the injustice of being accused of something that I did not do. Any grounded person would have politely explained that and let things happen.
What did I do? I fell apart. I started crying and yelling that I did not hit that car. Crying hysterically – now in retrospect it was stupid to have had that crazy reaction. In my mind, I had 1 hour to myself and I wanted to just get back home to my kid and did not want to spend hours dealing with the insurance company for something that I did not do. It felt like pure injustice and a waste of time. Of course, my acting like a crazy person did not help but I could not stop crying. This hit a nerve.
Even with the cop explaining to that dude that it does not look like I did it – the man insisted to exchanging information with the insurance company. And then began the waiting period. The cop took all my information and I waited in the car. My phone then dies, it was like I was in twilight zone as all I wanted to do was call my husband or my friend and get some comfort.
Finally, after 25 long minutes, I was allowed to go. And my phone turned on mysteriously as well. It was almost like I was just meant to sit in the discomfort of being accused and my melt down – just ‘being’ and ‘accepting’ of the situation.
When I finally got to speak to my friend ‘Naomi’, who I often go to when I need a different perspective, she reminded me of this book that we both had read called “The Surrender Experiment“, where the author’s main way of being in life is to ‘let things happen’ and not ‘fight anything that life doles out to you’.
Obviously, this incident was no big deal but in the moment, it felt like the rug had been pulled out from under – being accused of something that I did not do seems like a big trigger, I guess. It was a great reminder of letting the universe be a guide. Surrender often gets a bad rap because people confuse it with submission.
So, what does Surrender really mean? Here is what Wiki says about it “To surrender in spirituality and religion means that a believer completely gives up his own will and subjects his thoughts, ideas, and deeds to the will and teachings of a higher power”.
For me, Surrender is my way being guided and being at peace with what is happening. It does not mean that I don’t do what I have to do, it means that I do my job and let the universe / divine do the rest – what ever that looks like – whether I like it or not / whether that was in my plans or not/ whether that is what I wanted or not. It means true acceptance without resistance. It means sitting with the discomfort, it means asking for guidance from a place of prayer / humbleness.
Every morning before I start my day, I apply a drop of Surrender Essential Oil to my heart center and my forehead. I actively set an intention of giving me the strength and courage to ‘surrender’. And I had forgotten to do that on Sat morning. Just because I did not apply the EO does not mean that I should have forgotten that principle. To me, actively intending for ‘surrender’ sets the pace of the day and serves as a reminder.
What I love about Young Living is that they have an oil for everything. I truly love Surrender Essential Oil and feel grateful to have tools like this. Surrender is a blend and here is what YL describes the oil – “Surrender™ is a calming, soothing blend formulated for individuals who feel a need to be controlling. It helps quiet troubled hearts so that negative emotions can be released. Surrender may also help return feelings of equilibrium and inner strength”
Do you see those words “who need to be controlling” – that is me or should I say “recovering me”. I often joke about myself as a “recovering controller”. I have to work hard at it – letting go of control.
I will invite any of you struggling to let go of control to just experiment with Surrender and see how freeing it is – that is after you work through the fear : )